German supermodel Heidi Klum has revealed that she calls her breasts Hans and Franz. While that may be more information than most people need to know, others feel as though Heidi hasn't gone far enough.
Heidi Klum quite aptly takes Hans and Franz to the Golden Globes Awards
As two of the more obvious assets of a world famous lingerie model, Hans and Franz should be more or less used to the eyes of the world being trained on them.
However, despite one unexpected public appearance on the Jay Leno Show in the US when they broke free of an 5.9 million-euro ($8 million) diamond-encrusted bra, Heidi Klum's breasts are usually kept under wraps. But after the German supermodel revealed her mammary monikers on Thursday, worldwide attention has been more concentrated on the 35-inch bust than usual.
Hans and Franz have been stars of the Victoria's Secrets lingerie catwalk shows and adverts for the past ten years but until Heidi officially out-ed them as having names this week, they were more appreciated as just being part of the overall, highly aesthetic package.
Now they are famous in the own right, people are clambering to know more and more about them. And just like any new stars being embraced by the cult of celebrity, speculation about them is already rife on the international gossip pages.
No strangers to the limelight
Hans, Franz and Victoria's Secrets
Heidi herself is unique among supermodels for her openness, down-to-earth quality and sense of humor. But, as with so many of her kind in the fashion world, she obviously believes that less is more. While anyone who has seen her parading down a runway in the smallest of smalls will attest, this will come as no surprise. However, in this case, the dearth is not of cloth covering her modesty but the information she is offering on Hans and Franz.
For one, which is which? Does Hans sit at her right hand or the left? Also, from whom did the names originate? Are they named after ex-partners, family relatives or friends? What are their likes and dislikes? (This last one will surely turn up in forthcoming interviews with Heidi's husband, the singer Seal.)
All the 33-year-old from Bergisch Gladbach near Cologne will say is that she gave her famous assets the stereotypically German names in homage to her homeland. "They've been an ongoing joke for, like, 12 years. It started because I was from Germany, and people always make fun of ze Germans, yah? So when I began modeling I used to say, 'These are German breasts, one is called Hans and one is called Franz.'"
Inspired by bodybuilder sketch?
Franz (Beckenbauer, that is) is the one on the right
From the Fringe is just one of the many columns that believes there may be more to it that that. One theory could be that the breasts are named after the characters of a sketch on US comedy show Saturday Night Live. Comedians Kevin Nealon and Dana Carvey starred as Hans and Franz, two bodybuilders in the mould of Arnold Schwarzenegger who would appear to urge lesser men to get 'pumped'. The sketches would begin: "I am Hans...And I am Franz...And we are here to pump you up."
If there is any truth in this tenuous link to Heidi's chest, it might explain why the Klum version of Hans and Franz muscled their way out of a million-dollar bra live on American television. However, the Nealon and Carvey versions were from Austria which would render further investigation of this silly lead redundant.
More likely is that Heidi named her breasts after famous Germans, of which there have been many bearing the first names Hans and Franz. Being a well-known soccer fan, Heidi could have paid homage to a couple of her country's greats.
A homage to a solid pair?
Did Heidi name her breasts after a US comedy routine?
Born a year before the 1974 World Cup triumph on home soil, maybe Ms. Klum dedicated her own solid pairing to the central defensive stalwarts of the winning team Hans-Georg Schwarzenbeck and Franz Beckenbauer. Again, this is pure speculation on From the Fringe's part.
Other than the origins of their names and the positioning of each, other questions arising from Hans and Franz's introduction to the world include those pertaining to worth. While casual observers may conclude that they are indeed priceless, as a model whose earnings were estimated by Forbes magazine last year at 4.7 million euros, Heidi will surely be looking to put a price on her now even-more-famous breasts. She did after all insure her legs for 3.18 million euros.
What price for Hans and Franz, one wonders? And will they both be worth the same? A small scar on one of Heidi's legs means that one is more expensive than the other. What imperfections, if any, could reduce the worth of either Hans or Franz?
Come on Heidi, enquiring minds need to know!