Ukraine war: 'I wanted to do something to help my country'

"At first I was unhappy that I survived, it was very difficult to accept my new life," says Ruslana Danilkina. She sits down on a park bench, putting her crutches beside her. "But I realized that even though I'm missing a leg, I'm alive, I can get up and walk with crutches, it's possible."

Every day, Ruslana goes for a walk in her hometown of Odesa. City life gives her the strength she now desperately needs, she says.

Eager to get to the front

A year ago, Ruslana volunteered to go to the front to defend her homeland against Russia. She was just 18 years old at the time, and the decision was not an easy one for her to make. During the first months of the war, she had felt hesitant about joining the army.

"My biggest fear was that I didn't know what I was getting into and how long I would be away from home," she tells DW.

"But I wanted to go, this is my country and I love it very much. I thought the more people sign up to fight, the stronger we will be. I knew I couldn't perform miracles, but I wanted to do something to help my country," Ruslana recalls.

Her parents were an inspiration to her. Ruslana's mother and stepfather were deployed in the Donbas in 2015 as part of Ukraine's operation against the pro-Russian so-called "People's Republics" of Donetsk and Luhansk. They also signed up as volunteer fighters in February 2022 when Russia launched its large-scale invasion of Ukraine.

Ruslana joined the Ukrainian army in April. Initially, she was tasked with processing files in Zaporizhia. But she wanted to get closer to the frontline — a request that was rejected several times due to her young age. Eventually, however, she got her way and was assigned to a communications unit.

A day that changed everything

It was February 10, 2023, when Ruslana and her comrades were out on a combat mission in the Kherson region. Suddenly, there was incoming Russian artillery fire and shrapnel hit the passenger seat where Ruslana was sitting.

"I remember the moment of the explosion well: I ducked, but I only remember reaching for my knee, and immediately realized what had happened, though I couldn't believe I had lost a leg," Ruslana tells DW. "I asked my comrades what was happening, but they did not say a thing."

It was only by chance that she remained alive. Paramedics passed by her vehicle and gave her first aid so she did not bleed to death. She was taken to another vehicle, where she saw her severed leg. In shock, Ruslana closed her eyes, keeping them shut as she was sped to the hospital.

Ruslana underwent surgery in the city of Chornobayivka. Doctors tried to save her leg, but in vain. It was amputated above the knee. The same day Ruslana was taken to Mykolaiv, where she stayed for three days before being transferred to her hometown of Odesa for treatment. In the hospital, Ruslana cried for days, but eventually she said she regained her will to live. 

Since then, she has relied on her family for support. Ruslana's brother Wladyslaw and his wife Angelina have stood by her in these difficult times. She has also received support from people on social networks. On Instagram, Ruslana currently has over 37,000 followers.

"I remember the first surgery in Odesa, when people heard about my story," Ruslana says. "Afterwards, when I was taken to the ward, I didn't have time to think about my leg and the pain — I was constantly on my phone because lots of people were writing me, and still do to this day."

Phantom pain

Ruslana's determination to go about her life despite losing a leg has made her a symbol of power and strength in the eyes of many. But accepting her loss took time.

"I don't know what day it was exactly that I accepted this new reality," she says. "At first, I thought I had gotten used to it. But when I went outside for walks and came back to the ward, I thought, this can't be happening!

"I remember being outside three or four weeks after the amputation and my brother took a picture of me. I looked at it, seeing myself with just one leg. I think I still hadn't fully realized what happened."

Ruslana says that she feels much better now, both physically and emotionally. But two months after the tragic incident, she was still suffering phantom pain. "I stopped taking intramuscular painkillers long ago, that was my own wish," she remembers.

"I wanted to feel my leg as it was, and of course, the pain came back, though it decreased over time," she adds. "My psychologist explained to me how to make my brain understand my leg is gone. Because the brain remembers the leg before the injury and continues sending impulses, which is why one feels pain."

These days, Ruslana takes sedatives to calm her nerves. Until recently, she was still experiencing severe panic attacks. Yet medication and regular psychotherapy are helping her recover.

Dreaming of returning to ice skating

Ruslana has undergone five surgeries so far. She is currently in a special hospital and preparing to receive her prosthetic leg. Every day, her leg is measured to determine if its circumference is still decreasing. This is important for selecting and fitting the prosthesis later on. In addition, Ruslana will soon begin exercises to rebuild muscles that have atrophied over the past two months.

Thanks to donations, Ruslana will receive a modern prosthesis made in Germany. As soon as she has adjusted to her new prosthetic leg, she wants to pursue her dreams, like picking up ice skating again. "I also dream of having a bicycle," she tells DW. "Even though I'm missing a leg, that doesn't mean I can't live my dreams."

Ruslana wants to motivate others who have also been injured in war not to lose faith. "I want to show people that everything is possible and that you don't have to sit around and hide. It's scary and it hurts when you experience something serious like this — but life goes on."

This article was translated from German.