Terrible Toys

They call them the Terrible Twos -- that age when toddlers not only whine and wet themselves profusely, but also try to eat pretty much anything that will fit into their infant mouths.

Shaken by a series of recalls, especially of products aimed at kids aged 3 and under, this year's Nuremberg Toy Fair -- the largest of its kind in the world -- has decided to tackle the problem by sending out teams of investigators to check toy safety.

Now, a lot of us grown-ups might dream of making a living with playthings, but the job these guys are doing sounds pretty tough.

Just picture it: inspectors clad in black suits and dark sunglasses try to swallow magnets, poke out their eyes with detached Barbie limbs and firing pop guns and plastic-tipped arrows into their ears.

These tireless servants of safety are bending over their fallen comrades in between rows of mocking Transformers and Power Rangers -- "Hey, Lou, you all right down there? That looked like it kind of hurt."

On the other hand, it's probably more likely that the inspectors just wander around with checklists and look forward to having some drinks after the fair closes for the day.

The opportunities for officials with overactive imaginations are nearly endless -- now they'll just have to use them.