German Tourist Traps
September 24, 2006
Munich's Oktoberfest
The world's largest beer festival is a huge tourist draw, but it's really a very ordinary German celebration, just overblown. Instead of only a few hundred of tipsy revellers, there are thousands of smashed ones. And they're not just consuming huge vats of the golden ale, but hearty cholesterol bombs such as Bavarian ox tails and white sausages doused with generous portions of sweet mustard. Alas, there's better beer to be found elsewhere. After all, it's the quality, not quantity that counts.
Hamburg's Reeperbahn
Long-recognized by the world's sailors as a place not to be missed, the Beatles added to its notoriety in the early 1960s. Drunkards from the world over spill out onto the nightclub strip in St. Pauli's red light district. Sex is openly for sale there -- on the street, ladies with bare chests, entice patrons to their establishments. Anyone seeking a bit of peace and quiet should make sure not to inadvertently turn into Davidstrasse (David Street), where the ladies of the night thrust themselves at passersby. Even female tourists headed in the direction of the harbor shouldn't tarry too long. They risk being told to clear off.
Königssee
There's always something happening at Königssee, or King's Lake, in the Bavarian Alps, and you'll probably need to dig deep into your pockets for it. Besides paying ubiquitous parking fees, plenty of Bavarian souvenir shops sell trinkets and kitsch at high prices, and enough restaurants serve mediocre fare at even more exorbitant prices. In the summer, it's so overcrowded that having even a dreamy, reflective moment at the lakeside is unthinkable. For the ordinary, standard cruise to the hyped up town St. Bartholomä, expect to pay way too much to experience more of the same endured by other suckers 20 years ago.
Der Drachenfels
The Drachenfels, or Dragon's Rock, is the best known of the Seven Mountains in the hinterlands of Königswinter, near Germany's former capital, Bonn. According to legend, Siegfried of the epic poem Nibelungenlied (Song of the Nibelungen) lived in a mountainous cave and slaughtered a dragon. After bathing in the monster's blood, he became invincible. Apparently the Drachenfels inspired poets such as Heinrich Heine, but whether it is worth the price to board the mountain railway to the top to see a heap of concrete, is a matter of taste, notwithstanding an overpriced restaurant for day-trippers. The glorious view can be had, by the way, without scaling the mountain.
Die Drosselgasse
For plenty of tourists, Germany consists of a visit to Neuschwanstein castle, Munich's renowned beer hall Hofbräuhaus, and the Drosselgasse in Rüdesheim, in the land of Lorelei. This supposedly "historic alleyway, the happiest alley in the world" is a loud, shrill, overcrowded pedestrian zone overflowing with pubs and dubious, overpriced wines sold by merchants in a sourpuss mood. What's more, the deafening roar of brass instruments is regarded by some as music. Germany has so much more to offer than such sentimental goo.