Coronavirus couples: Reunited but not reassured

After the trauma of having an emergency cesarean section without her partner by her side, Corsi Crumpler hoped at least she'd be having herself a married little Christmas. But with the pandemic's havoc continuing unabated, there's been no wedding, only more waiting.

Crumpler's Irish partner, Sean Donovan, was not allowed to enter the United States in time for the baby's July birth due to the coronavirus restrictions. An exception was made only once little Taos arrived, and only for 90 days. This was especially bitter for the couple since they had scraped together all the money they could to hire an immigration lawyer to follow the steps precisely so his permanent move would take place in plenty of time.

"By now we should have been married with a house bought," Crumpler tells DW, but "we're still not married. We're still not allowed to get married."

Nowhere like home

Instead, they face the prospect of switching home bases every three months. Crumpler and Taos packed up and left Texas in October when Donovan's 90 days were up. Soon, they'll rotate back to Texas when her three months are over. "I just want to get my green card so I can get to the States and start working," Donovan says in exasperation.

"It's hard enough going back and forth, trying to keep our family together when we aren't exactly 'welcome' in each other's countries past 90 days at a time. I just want to be able to provide for my family, sooner rather than later. But it's already later." 

Finally, they have been told by embassy officials that the process is starting back up again, but Donovan has not been given any date for the required interview.

As tempting as it might seem to just buck the bureaucracy and hold their long-awaited nuptials, that would put them in a different visa line — and at the end of it.

Allowed, but anxious

But their situation may be considered a positive one when compared to some of those caught up in the coronavirus chaos. Another couple DW met in the summer, New York schoolteacher Zuri Glass (formerly Ferguson) and German computer programmer Sascha Sommer, are suffering a lot of anxiety about whether they'll be able to see each other every six months if the pandemic is not brought under control.

In July, just days before Germany followed several other European Union countries in allowing couples to reunite, the couple decided Glass would take the expensive and time-consuming route of flying from New York into the UK, waiting alone in quarantine for two weeks and then continuing on to Germany. Sommer is in a high-risk group due to a health issue and not allowed to risk travel under the circumstances. Their time together was wonderful, Glass says, but adds, "I knew that when I left to go back home, there might be a chance I would not see Sascha again" in case there was a second wave.

At that point, Germany had kept its infection rates well under control. Now,it's another story.

Hardly a holiday

Glass is fearful about taking the Christmas trip they have planned. She constantly checks whether new restrictions will affect her travel. But beyond that, she worries whether one of them will get sick and if it's even reasonable to get on a plane. "The situation is stressful now for us," she says, "because things aren't going very well in Germany and the United States."

Still, Glass notes, there are many couples who have not yet been able to meet at all due to remaining bans on incoming travel in some EU countries and in the US. "I have seen couples on the #LoveIsNotTourism Facebook group tell stories about breaking off a long-term relationship because the distance and uncertainty became too much," she says.

"Some people believe that those who travel now are selfish and think about themselves. But there are personal reasons for someone to travel. These separated couples and families don't want to go to large gatherings; they don't want to go to bars or parties; they want to be together. Traveling is not a vacation for them."

She is frustrated that countries did not keep their infection rates down to the low levels reached after the first lockdowns and says binational couples continue to pay a price. 

Rigid border rules

German Member of the European Parliament Moritz Körner fought hard to raise the visibility of binational couples' dilemmas — and was hailed as a hero by many of them who benefited from the relaxing of borders in the summer. Körner smiles when recalling the many photos and notes he received from happy couples thanking him for pressing the European Commission and the German presidency.

But Körner notes the map hasn't changed much since the summer, and he fears the second wave of infections means it probably won't for now. "When they are talking about lockdowns again and that people cannot meet for Christmas, binational couples are not a first priority anymore," he tells DW.

"It was for a short time, I think, in summer, when we managed to flip some of the countries and to change some of the rules."

As for rules, Corsi Crumpler says she's had enough of them. "I feel like I've been a pawn in the game of all of these government officials," she says. "I have been doing everything right. I've been doing everything that they've asked me to." Yet still, they are stuck. But no matter what, she says, she will not see her family separated again.