Joydeep Bagchee: Brought to Germany by Heidegger

DW-WORLD: Joydeep, when and why did you come to Germany?

Joydeep Bagchee: I came to Germany at the end of 2004 as part of an exchange program at the Humboldt University in Berlin. My research focused on the German philosopher Heidegger and I wanted to read him in the original.

Are you still in Berlin?

No, I am in Freiburg now. After finishing my German course at the Humboldt, I applied for a DAAD fellowship to be able to continue my research here. I chose Freiburg because this is the university where Heidegger himself taught. After one year in Berlin, I came to Freiburg where I was accepted as a doctoral candidate.

What attracted you to Heidegger in particular?

When I was first introduced to his texts, back in India, I probably understood little of what I was reading in translation, but I was fascinated by the language and the force. Now that I know him well, I would say the methodological questions interest me the most. Because Heidegger really asks the question: "What is philosophy?". And he really tries to understand what life is. Specifically, he observes its historicity and its finitude. He tries to analyze what is it for human beings to be born and to live for a period of time and then to die. The question of mortality is something I find very interesting.

Turning away from philosophy, what do you like most about Germany?

It's clean, it has high environmental standards and lots of sports facilities. I get along well with most Germans, and I also love the public transport system. And I love cycling -- in the cities and in the countryside.

Is there anything you dislike about the country?

The Germans are very environmentally conscious, but when it comes to cars, they're almost blind. They would never give them up. And the other thing that we have in the rest of the world are anti-smoking laws for cafes and restaurants, but in Germany they've not passed such a law, as the tobacco lobby is very strong.

How do you feel as a South Asian in Germany?

I don't really identify myself as a South Asian. My family was always westernized. English is my mother tongue -- we always spoke it at home. But of course we have strong ties to Indian culture and I would never deny coming from India. My father, Sandeep Bagchee, is an Indian music expert. He has written two books on Indian classical music and has a very large collection. So, Indian classical music was always played at home. I do miss my home at times -- mostly when I'm lonely. I miss my family, the mountains and the north Indian winter. I also miss the forts and monuments in Delhi and the rain. I miss the rain very much.

But Germany has mountains, winter and also rain.

You know, one grows up with the land. Physically, no two countries are similar. The Himalayas are something else for me -- I used to wander in the hills with my father.

Are there many differences between your lifestyles in India and in Germany?

While in India I use to read a lot of books. I used to stay at home. But here in Germany, I read less. Now I do a lot of sport. To be able to concentrate so much I need to have a free mind -- sport helps me to find a balance.

What do you plan to do when you finish your PhD? Will you return to India?

I am a little divided about this because I think if I go the academic route, my best chances would be to go back to America, as I am still aiming to take a double degree from New York and Freiburg. But that would obviously mean leaving Germany. If I stay on in Germany, then I hope to enrol in a trainee programme with the German NGO BUND or another environmental organization. I am very passionate about the environment. But whatever happens, New York or Berlin, I will not return to India for sure. Because of my sexuality -- I am gay and it's too difficult to be gay in India.

Why?

It's still a conservative country. There is still a law against homosexuality. Which doesn't mean, of course, that there are no gay men in India. It's just that they get married and have sex with men on the side. That's not what I want for myself. What I want is a relationship. What I want is to able to hold hands with someone and show my affection and for our relationship to be recognized. India is still not ready for this. This is one of the main reasons I left India, although I was very confused -- even in New York I continued to be unsure about my sexuality.

When did you understand it?

In some sense you always know -- I've known since I was 11 or so but it's not something I was always willing to deal with. And that contradiction between what I was feeling and what I was allowed to express at some stage became so difficult. But when I was living in Berlin, I had friends who were nice and open and they showed me a whole new world. They drove me around, took me to clubs and I had loads of fun. And I found out that there was absolutely no problem -- I could be who I was and have people around me who cared about me. From then on, my life became much better, much easier.

Do you think Germany will give you space to be yourself and happy?

I don't know many Indian people here and that's good for me -- I can be Indian in my own way. There are no rules which I have to accept from my culture, from my background. Here, there's no pressure to follow the traditional immigrant path. I think at least there is a chance here to be happy. But sometimes I have doubts. Sometimes I wonder whether I could really be in a relationship where I couldn't express myself, where I couldn't talk about my childhood. It may be difficult to have a fulfilling relationship here because my partner may not know where I come from -- he may not know about my roots, my culture, my kind of music. That kind of deep understanding may only be possible with an Indian. I may not find somebody here who will sing me Ghazals or explain the words to me. One never knows where life will lead. I'm almost 30 and by now I've learnt that one should just live and enjoy the present. I would love to live in Berlin which I love more than any other city. If anyone has a job for me in Berlin please write to me!